Two Years Ago Today

Anniversaries. This is a topic that she has talked about a few times. It wasn't something I really thought about much, aside from wedding anniversaries. Since reading these posts, however, I have spent time pondering the past few years of my life and what life-changing events would merit remembrance, observance. I have experienced a lot of change, hard but good, in the last two years, but I would probably limit specific events that would be worth choosing to remember. The most important: our moving from North Dakota to here. Everything else in the last two years hinges on us moving here. Today would be that anniversary, two years ago today. There are so many emotions (still) stirred when I think back to the events of that day.

When we were on the airplane I was so hurting and was having difficulty containing my emotions. Fortunately, God had me remember a notebook and  I was able to release all that I was feeling, recording the raw emotion of that moment. Here are my Thoughts from the airways as we departed Bismarck: Part I

My heart is breaking, literally tearing into pieces as we leave this place that I so hated when we first came. I don't want to go! This is so hard. I never thought I was capable of making intimate friendships. But God proved me wrong. He brought me friends that filled my heart. And as we depart this place my soul hurts to the core. A feeling I am not familiar with or have experienced. I allowed myself to be here until the end and now I am feeling it all. It is consuming me right now. I know this is God's plan and I am so thankful for the people He brought into our lives and teaching me lessons that were necessary. Including this. I don't understand right now and I don't know that I will until heaven. All I know is this is the hardest move I've been through. I can't stop the tears from falling. I am sick to my stomach. Me head is pounding. I didn't choose this.

I don't want to move on. I don't want to meet new people or make new friends. I was content where we were. I was happy and thankful for all that God had blessed us with.

Thoughts from the airways somewhere between Bismarck and Denver: Part II

I don't want to FEEL anymore.

I want to be NUMB. This would be so much EASIER. I HATE hard! As hard as this is....I would go through it ALL again for the reward of INCREDIBLE, FOREVER friends.

5 airplane napkins later, landing in Denver.....the tears are slowing....FOR NOW.

Thoughts from the airways, the final trek to our destination: part III

We boarded the plane in Denver. I took 2 Advil to tame my fierce headache. Opened gift from Deb... tears once again. She gave me a "Wreck this Journal" and her & Luisa got started on it for me! So sweet! Once we get to Phoenix, about 1 and a half hours, we have to collect our three suitcases and board a shuttle to retrieve our rental car. We will still have an hour and a half drive. I just want to get to the hotel and go to sleep. I'm SPENT!

Two years later, there is still an element of remembering that hurts...but, I am so thankful because I know, more now than I did then, that this was His plan,  and He has given me (some) understanding as to why, for my good and His glory. There is more remembering that will take place because of Him bringing us here, and it too will be bittersweet...and inexpressible gratitude will be on my lips.